Identity: I am…

The ‘I Am Spartacus’ Project was started with one concept in mind: to find out whether the current generation of students in the UK shared a facet of personal identity. 

When forming the idea, I was thinking of how decades have past and left us with mementos of generations past.  Naturally, music has united identities in the past.  The Summer of Love was one of the first amalgamating experiences for that generation, followed by punk, disco, hip hop, etc.  However, any basic knowledge of sociology, psychology or philosophy will attest that an individual is far more complex than a shared taste in music.

Recently, ‘fads’ (for want of a better word) such as emo, goth, geek culture, chav and bling culture have manifested for short periods of time only to fade from public eyes after a few years only to be replaced by the next obsession that comes along.  In considering that these group identities are largely temporary, the question remains: how do we define ourselves as one amongst seven billion?

What is it that joins us as a generation?  Or have past times and an exhaustion of innovation prevented any personal growth in terms of identity?

I began the project on 1^st April 2009, and within three weeks had gathered 38 responses to my question, a suitable sample of students up and down the country.  The responses were a mix of short and long, serious and light-hearted, personal and social.

As individual as each face, each person expressed a certain thing that made them who they are.  However, there were distinct patterns explicitly developing.

A sense of ever-present change was expressed by approximately a third of the responses.  It seemed that my question had invoked profound ideas in some of the people I asked.  In a manner consistent with Queer Theory, they defined their personalities and individual identities as fluid, changing as time passed and their life situations altered.  ‘Shamini’ sums up this concept within her post:

“I am fluid, transitory, changeable.  Just when I think I’ve worked out my identity, it becomes something else.”

Describing her identity as ‘a work in progress’, Almas Rehman gives a shared sentiment about how there is no fixed way to describe oneself. 

One third from the sample group (in theory) reflects what potentially a third of the UK student population shares in terms of personality.  Detached from a set of definitions of what makes them and explicitly changeable in different situations, are they freer than the rest of society, or constantly in a state of deep emotional alienation by being unable to connect with others?

These students are a sharp contrast to another 11 or so students who have clear-cut characterised themselves by their perceived qualities, hobbies, personal tastes and aspirations. 

From the brash confidence of Sandeep Sandhu’s musings on how to get on with life to the more happy-go-lucky nature of Carey Tan’s personality, a wide range of descriptions are to be found regarding what people want to be, and how they believe themselves to be.  Some pride themselves on their amiability and creativity, others on their cinematic, artistic or aviation ambitions.  Either way, these are the people that are not as driven by who they can be, but more by what they can do.  Regardless of what they come across, they know what defines themselves.  Self-assurance is what sums up this band.

Devinder Khaira aptly encapsulates another major group of responses:

“I am different.”

I mentioned the idea of one amongst seven billion, and it seems many of the people who responded reflect the notion that they are one person rather than a part of a crowd.  Even those who believe they are ‘a cog in a giant machine’, make explicit the value of being a singular entity. 

The stereotypical artist considers himself better than others, the cog in the NHS machine would prefer to be himself than adapt to another’s way of life and the self-proclaimed masochist wants to remain her enigmatic self.

Each is a representation of individuality embraced.  Of all the responses received, I believe the individualists would shout ‘I am Spartacus [replaced with appropriate name]’ amongst a crowd.  They are moulded by a crowded society with a yearning to be unique.  Unaffected by others, autonomy is ranked high amongst their attributes. 

These three are the main definition-based responses I received over the time.  However, humanity is one thing that seemed to have united a large number of them.

Even when joking about saving the world, many within the 38 expressed a want to help others.  Some were a source for emotional wellbeing; others were more motivated to physically help people with their lives. 

The only common factor was the value of friends and family.

In conclusion, it would appear that the students of my generation are a mixed bunch.  I could not compare them to decades gone by (unavailability of time travel prevents me researching them whilst in their student years), but ‘saving the world’ seems high on the list of things to do for this bunch.  One theory that could be explored is the effect of media and major world events and catastrophes on young adults, and whether sustained threat has caused us to value life and identity more.

Jobs, education, personality, friends, family, ambition, dreams, wants and ability are all elements to a self-consciousness that has an enormous effect on how we live our lives.  It changes how we act and what we do. 

38 people have told me how they distinguish themselves in their world, but the ‘I Am Spartacus’ Project is but a snapshot of a country.  One glimpse of an insight into individualism.

Jiten Karia.

Emily Bedford

“Personality: caring, kind, confident yet shy, quiet, always thinking, can be really bubbly, love gigglingI dont really feel that i fit in well with society and prefer to do things my own individual way.

At home i play a major role in looking after my pets, i give my family and pets as much love as possible. I help out my family as best i can even when i am miles away at uni.

I majorly want to help animals and the environment etc, i feel that someone has to do something and stand out for the ones who cant speak (ie animals) thus my point to life.”

Shamini

“I am fluid, transitory, changeable.
Just when I think I’ve worked out my identity I become something else.

I am old, no longer a child at home, older than many of my friends at University, but then suddenly in a different place, in a different group I become impossibly young again.
I am sociable, friendly, out-going, but then I withdraw and hide away and seem a different person.
Bright at primary school, uncool at secondary school, a small group of friends here, then suddenly a social butterfly there.
I am artistic, I am a scientist, I am a student, I am unemployed, but nothing is stable and the future is so unknown.
If I’m a different person in different places, then who really knows me at all? I thought I knew, but then everything changes again.

I am loved.
The constant.
I am loved.”

Lakshmi Devi

I am…

“…going to change the world some day. Possibly save it from invasion. Travel to the corners of the earth in search of treasure. Discover hidden lands. Unfold ancient secrets. Fight in battle alongside my true love. Swim with the merpeople. Defeat deadly ninja assasins. Work for the secret service. Become a spy.

I am, right now, sitting at the back of my cold, dreary lecture theatre. I am a struggling biochemist student who at this current moment in time seems to be spending more time on theatrical arts than her degree itself.

I am a dreamer stuck in reality.”

Almas Rehman

“I see myself as quite a closed off person. I’m not supersticious or into all of that star sign thing, but I think that I do kind of fit the personality of cancer. Like cancer the crab, I put up a guard when meeting new people or even getting to know them better. Its all a stratagy to stop people finding out about my squidgy insides and destroying them.So I’m generally very emotionally guarded and it takes a while for people to crack in there. I also don’t like to fluster myself with unnecessary feelings and opinions. Opinionated people get on my nerves. No one really knows whats going on inside my head, and when they ask, I don’t say what I’m really thinking. Only the people who know me really well know what’s going on up there, and they don’t even need to ask. I dont think its a bad thing or a good thing. I like the way I am.

Recently, I’ve noticed my guarded nature more and more, and have tried to align my outside self with my inside self, and put down my guard from time to time. As a result I cry at sad movies and people can now tell when I’m sad or angry or happy. I’m happy most of the time anyway. so that’s what people ususally see. This new kind of ‘alignment’ has made me a more confident and outgoing person…I think.

I’m a happy go lucky person. I very much rely on things to happen around me. And things do. It is because I know the secret…

To sum up, I dont think I actually answered the question. I think I’m a work in progress. My head isn’t sorted out. It is still changing and growing into what I would think is the best it can be. I don’t think your identity is based on your job or what you look like or where you’re from. I think it’s more to do with your mind and what’s going on in that old ticker.”

Kevin Ting

“An individual, a brother, a son, a friend, a role model…

Someone that is reliable, trustworthy and dependable…
Someone that leads by example with a hunger for knowledge and a thirst for new skills… Always looking for a new challenge…”

Charlotte Chin

“I guess I see myself as unique, as a complete individual and different. Sometimes I feel quite disconnected to other people in general, in a sense that people don’t quite understand me. I’d like to think that I’m someone who isn’t biased or judgemental, but I don’t think I am in real life.

But I like it when people come to me for advice and help. I feel like its me against everyone else..and God is my help, and for everything i want to accomplish in my life I’m gonna have to work really hard for it. My identity… I think sometimes I get a bit caught up in how I want people to see me as, but really I guess that my identity is just my faith..and I guess that’s Jesus.”

J

“I see myself as a regular Joe out there to get his degree so he can get a regular job. Money is not important to me but getting the job I want is…so to me a degree is only important because it will get me to the job that I desire. Being special is not important but having the ability to help others is what defines me. I would rather work under someone not necessarily better than me but someone who is capable so that I can help them.”

Rahman Nayil‏

“Well, I’m generally a confident person and I don’t get jealous easily. I also have quite a zealous and affable personality and I like talking and generally getting to know new people. At the same time I like to listen, and I like to help.In terms of my place in society… Well, I have a lot of opinions and I’m a lot more knowledgeable than people know, but with the restriction of my age my opinions are rarely taken seriously or hardly ever do people put some faith in them simply because of this. It is as if the world is torn between one generation and the next and the current one is reluctant to give up their vestiges of authority.

In my family I’m the older sibling; like all things it has its pros and cons. On the one hand as the older child I have to sort of campaign and argue with my parents for my rights whereas my brother simply recieves them without such a conflict. On the other hand my brother is always chasing my shadow, my parents expect of him the same if not better then what I’ve accomplished. This is something I’d found both daunting and infuriating.

A person’s identity is not simply represented by what they are in the past or present however, but also in what they hope to become in the future.

Personally I’d like to become a psychologist. Not because of the money or the prestige of such a position but to know I’ve helped someone, to make their life less traumatic and feel I’ve impacted the world in some way.

What are we but the people we’ve changed once we’re gone?”

C

“Stay calm. Stay collected. Pass exams. Get into a top 5 university. Be a lawyer. Prove it to them. Because you know you’re better than who They think you are. They are nothing and you don’t want to be like them. You want this world to accept you. How do you do that? You pass your exams. You get that high paid job. Money brings respect. You want respect.

Money also brings shinny new heels and I’d like those too. Life isn’t that back and white. The above is how we are made to function and I too follow that but that’s not simply who I am. We’re all searching for a place in this world, to make a mark or to preserve ourselves somehow. We don’t understand that we’re transient and we don’t matter as much as we would like to. We are children of the universe and everything in it belongs to us: from the trees to the sadness. I’m just like you and you’re just like me. Religion doesn’t define us nor personality – everyone has one of those. I’m what I forget, a human.”